I would definitely recommend looking for clubs like this.
There was a dream that was having a social life. You could only whisper it. Anything more than a whisper and it would vanish, it was so fragile.
-- Marcus Aurelius
It's half the reason people aren't social. They try so hard to "schedule a meetup" and the meetup becomes work so people stop hanging out.
You're just supposed to show up at someone's house and do shit.
You don't make friends by agenda. You have cool experiences , build trust and develop a bond.
The pitch here is for getting people over the first hurdle, which is being at the same place at the same time as other people, and to some extent, the second hurdle, which is striking up a conversation (as anyone who would attend something like this is, by their presence, signalling an interest in at least casual interaction with the other participants). This adds people to your "acquaintances" list.
The next step is forming setting specific friendships. Your gym buddies, your work friends, etc. Then you need to actually invite some of those friends to other settings, until your friendship isn't entirely predicated on the particular setting. Then you need to spend enough time with that person to maintain the friendship.
For most people, the big hurdles are the "being present", "striking up a conversation", and "converting setting specific friendships into general friendships" steps. Everything else is pretty straightforward.
Casually dropping by someone's place unscheduled is typically reserved for pretty close friends. That's not what this service is targeting.
I notice that the "just talk to strangers in public" crowd really like to apply this to unwilling participants, as if everyone else is "just too scared" or something. I cringe so hard when I see e.g. Americans try to bully through "cultural baggage" in Japan to talk to strangers. "See, not so hard, no need to be so uptight!" Not realizing they're causing incredible discomfort to whoever they're trying to make friends with, misinterpreting desperate politeness for some kind of finally-unlocked freedom of expression. It's not "oh thank god this friendly foreigner started talking to me, my culture is so stuffy and oppressive and boring, now I can make a great friend!" it's "why is this person talking to me, are they crazy, I don't know them, what do they want, how can I get out of this situation??" Whereas in a meetup, everyone there is in the mindset that they want to meet and talk to strangers, and maybe make a couple new friends.
Well put. If you're at a meetup that's explicitly supposed to be a social event, then it's not weird to talk to people you don't know. Whereas it might be, if you're waiting in line at your local coffee shop. (Depends on your local culture.)
My dad is in his early 70s and still regularly gets together with people from all eras of his life, going all the way back to high school. Old neighbors, former co-workers and employees, and various others he met along the way. Unlike a lot of retirees, he has a rich social life and a packed calendar with dozens of close friends. This was all due to him regularly reaching out and scheduling a meal or activity, or just time to chat, over the course of his life. Friendships don’t just spontaneously last decades, they take effort, especially as people go through different stages of life.
It's the corporatization of life that I'm protesting and we all participate. A total buzzkill
Drop ins were cool in college, but as an adult, it’s not so fun.
And, as also mentioned elsewhere in this thread, the tolerance will be significantly different for people I met a couple months ago and people who've been close family members for my whole life.
Just because someone isn't like you about open door policies doesn't mean they need to "grow". We're just different.
What a presumptuous thing to say.
I just found your comment presumptuous, even if you meant it in the third person. Calling it out as such doesn't mean I'm "seeking anger".
People are different. No one, myself or anonymous third-persons, needs to "grow" because they have different tolerances than you.
The core issue with scheduling life within your comfort zone is that it is inherently reductive, because you cannot plan out your relationships.
The most important things in your life will happen out of schedule.
So I get that you are more comfortable living according to a schedule. All growth comes from embracing discomfort.
Yes I'm presuming that I'm right about this fact of life.
You mention seeking discomfort. A pop-in isn’t seeking, it’s finding me at my doorstep. I seek discomfort by taking solo trips to various countries around the world. It’s a planned trip, sure, but it pushes me way outside my comfort zone and forces me into spontaneous and unexpected situations each day I’m away. Other than the flight and hotel, I don’t plan much and just see what happens. The same goes for various other things I seek out. In my home, I want to be able to relax without having to think about what may or may not randomly show up.
While humans need variety in their life, they also need some sense of stability. Where people choose to get those things is going to look different for everyone. This is the fact of life.
I know families who have a door is always open policy, then rent the same cabin for vacation every year for decades. I do the opposite, and they wouldn’t dream of attempting what I do. We are both meeting our needs, just in different ways. One could say their door always open policy is their attempt to remain in their comfort zone. They can feel social and have little doses of surprise, all from the comfort and safety of their home. If that is enough variety for them, that’s great.
My sister has a door always open policy with me, but I still always text first. I don’t want to show up and find an empty house, or that they’re all in a mad rush to finish a big school project before Monday, where I’d be a distraction. It doesn’t have to be a “schedule”, but simply a heads up and an acknowledgment that I won’t be causing an inconvenience.
I've got a few friends who I don't even have the contact details for, If I want to talk to them I just go out to whatever the current event or party is and they will probably be there.
Some furry spaces, like the Furry Writer’s Guild, have Telegram or Discord links on their websites. (The FWG doesn’t require membership to access their chat rooms, but does vet accounts before allowing them in.)
There are also conventions, which is how I go involved.
You could do your own research and dig around to find local furries’ social media accounts. They may have posted something.
You might be able to send a polite email to the closest convention and say you’re new to the fandom (or area) and want to know if there are any local groups you can join.
Furry or city-specific subreddits are also an option for finding people.
Any rules are more like do not wear bondage gear next to a playground at a local park.
(This isn’t as clear as you might think. No one really bats an eye at superhero costumes. A leather catsuit with a tail, chains, and pup hood does not have the same reaction.)
I don't "book/plan" things with friends, but it makes a massive difference to consistently reach out and nurture friendships.
The way you're describing meeting people seems fun, but half the time folks are busy with life or other stuff to be spontaneous.
I work from home, live far away from family, and sometimes the only social interaction I get each day is getting marketing text messages from HelloFresh. I then can take the time to go speak to my local barista for ~30 seconds and buy a drink.
That, or college just walking around dorms to find stuff going on.