Posted by MaxLeiter 9/4/2025
It's telling about society how much of these conversations revolve around work. It makes sense, since it's where we spend most of our time, but at the same time a lot of people are not happy at work. Recently I've been avoiding this type of smalltalk because it has this pattern that starts with "and what do you do for a living". I'm trying to make the world a better place is not usually the answer. I wish it gets normalized to ask "what do you like to do in your life" as a first question. I like to cook and fix bicycles and in general do something practical.
(Longer-term we focused on connecting people recovering from serious health issues.)
The mental health support angle makes sense, though.
Instead, I've personally really enjoyed talking to strangers while having a meal in the dining car of Amtrak trains, where they will force you to sit with three other people. This gives you more time together and more structure. I've talked to a retired real estate agent who told me stories about the houses his clients bought; I've talked to an old lady who told me first hand stories of the AIDS pandemic in the 1980s.
Things I find work most of the time in Sweden to get started is complaining about something mutually bothersome, annoying or scary that you don't have any power over, things like:
- A third party being rude. So if you notice that someone gets annoyed by someone else you can huff and puff a little over that.
- the weather, obviously and often!
- if someone hurts themselves or trips (doesn't have to be as big an injury as in the article)
- children are great conversation starters, regardless if they are cute, loud, awake, still or whatever. And this is one of the few positive topics that work.
The trick is also to not keep talking about the annoying thing, because that is quite boring!
If you get more courageous you can also just ask about a place, piece of public art or even the way to some random thing, in my experience (a whole life) swedes are very helpful :)
My favourite question is to ask people who clearly hope to see me go away about the names of places, I don't know why that topic works so well to tear walls down, but it does.
you all sound like a lovely bunch. is this a modern thing?
The trick is to trick us into not realising we are interacting, then we are quite friendly and polite :)
i dont think you can be friendly and ALSO dislike talking to strangers. I think thats what it means to be friendly, or at least its a necessary component of it
Has anyone ever controlled for the fact that people lie? Especially about how they feel. Furthermore, people don't even know how they feel half the time.
How do you even measure this?