I'll add another suggestion: be more forgiving.

Anecdote: I had a friend in SF. He and I would hang out once in a while, and I always looked forward to these hangouts (we'd meet up for coffee, or go for a walk, hang out at Dolores Park, etc.). He is gay, I'm not. His perspective on things was often quite different than mine and I found that interesting. I got married, he stayed single. Even after marriage we would still hang out (though not as often as before). Then we had a child, which sucked all spare time out of my life; but even then we hung out once in a while. Then one winter there was cold/flu/COVID going around. We planned on hanging out and I unfortunately bailed on him at the last moment. This happened 2 more times. Then that bout of illnesses passed and I reached out to him to hang out again. But this time he seemed cold and distant. So I dropped it. And I didn't see him again for almost 3 years.

Then one day I ran into him while walking through Dolores Park. He didn't see me, but I hesitated and still hollered out at him, for old times' sake. He responded and walked over. We chatted a little, I gave him a parting hug and we agreed to hang out again.

A couple of weeks later we managed to hang out again. What I gathered from our meeting was that he had been miffed at what he thought was me blowing him off; and I, when I felt he was cold and distant, had misread his grief at losing his cat. We both misread each other and wasted 3 years.

Moral of the story that I took away from it was: be more forgiving. Friendships are worth the extra effort.

Since it's a societal problem, but solved on the microlevel of one person at a time, it seems the way to have a broader effect is to show the value of having connection with other people over the value of not.

Overcome any addictions (scrolling, gaming, etc.) that stand in the way would be easier if the goal was clear.

Overcoming attitudes and defensive beliefs (too many cliques, they won't talk to me...) go away when you can either recall a time when you had friends or know others who do.

Convince people it's better (in their own value system) to be social, have friends of all kinds, and let them know their value and meaning increase by being a friend, I think you'd have a hard time stopping people from becoming social.

Church used to hold more sway with people in forming communities. When at its best, it provides a safe place for strengthening relationships, celebrating the community's successes and mourning with the time calls for it. If you are lonely, try a church regardless of your spiritual beliefs. You are always welcome at mine!

Having a family solves this issue nicely. I have a wife and five kids, and none of us are lonely because we have each other. It's one of the choices I made in life that I am most grateful for.

I was the head of the men's group for my town's Newcomers Club and when it comes to having a blueprint for organizing a small, quick gathering I cannot say enough about Nick Gray's [0] book The Two Hour Cocktail Party [1]

It has tons of small but useful tips:

- host it Monday or Tuesday from 7-9pm. People are usually free those nights and make sure it ends at 9pm for the folks who have to wake up early

- don't send an evite with "0 of 60 guest have responded". Start by having your core group accept and then send the invite directly to each new person

- have name tags. but make sure YOU fill out the name tags or you will have "Batman" and "Superman" at your party

- introduce people and have "get to know you games"

Now, I'm sure someone will say "this is so formulaic and doesn't feel natural!". That's kind of the point. You need to give folks some structure to be able to interact. The name tags for example remove the "oh, I met this person before but I can't remember their name so I just won't talk to them" etc.

0 - https://x.com/nickgraynews

1 - https://amzn.to/3ZhtSfi

I've not looked at the research associated with the Friendship Bench [1] or UK Men's Sheds [2] -- evaluations or data associated with the model's development -- but I would be surprised if either relied only on individual action. Meaning, the resource is there but participation relies heavily or solely on an individual taking affirmative action to join.

I agree with others that individual initiative is important for connections to be made, but I struggle with imagining how people find out about what the opportunities are. Certainly, there's been a ton of work on social isolation, community connections, whatever you call it, and at some point I need to dive in.

This space needs a lot of investment as well as evaluation of initiatives. I worked in nonprofit land in the US for years and from my limited view of the landscape, way more work is needed to determine what works and fund that and not fund efforts that take no initiative to show their effectiveness.

[1] https://www.friendship-bench.org/ [2] https://menssheds.org.uk/

Sports. CrossFit and similar social sports have been healthy for me and for many others, and I think the community is at least equal to the exercise in improving people's lives.

Not saying this is the only way, but it made a big difference for me and my friends. I realize the physical challenges are artificial, but so is an Advent of Code puzzle when you already have a day job. Hard things are worth doing because they're hard, and they're even better when done together with those you love.

I will separate this into expensive, still has a cost, and "free"

Expensive:

Car meetups and car modding

Horse based activities (learning to ride etc is group based)

learning a craft (ie blacksmithing, knitting circles, ceramics)

Swordfighting of various styles (east/west/modern/renaissance/polish drunk people in armour)

Warhammer

Cost, but not as much:

local hackspace

local cycle club

Local running club

Local team sports (real football, basketball, baseball, tennis, 5-a-side)

local choir (secular)

Amateur dramatics (highly recommended, darling.)

Free, but with connotations

Scouting adult leader

Local environmental people (ie park maintenance )

Animal shelter

charity shop

local choir (religious)

local organised religion

local political party organisation

I’ve always been someone who likes to go to local coffee shops, shops, and walks around the neighborhood. While I’ve met a few friendly employees who learn my name and say hi to me, in general I’ve found customers and people in general aren’t super approachable. They’re usually there as a part of an existing group of friends, or are focused on their work.

I’m not saying it’s impossible to meet people in this situation, but it is difficult to break the ice. Especially if your social skills are rusty.

On a larger scale, I think most people’s budget for anonymous social interaction is consumed through social media, where they scroll past strangers arguing and let’s be honest, mostly vitriolic comments. So in the real world, they don’t want to deal with anonymous strangers and intently focus on their own friendships.

Groups are a good way to bridge this gap, but the groups that are easier to host aren’t always accessible to everyone. And they require a lot of time and ideally strong social skills to run effectively.

I’ve thought about starting a campaign to make socializing with people in person more of a common practice again, but I’m honestly not sure how to convince enough people

Affordable third places[0] where people can impromptu join and serendipitously meet friendly faces repeatedly. All of my strong friendships were from exactly this at either skateparks, college dorm common area, or run clubs. Churches had this figured out for millenia

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place