The Puya PY32 series MCUs found in most vapes have 3kb of RAM and 24kb of ROM, whereas Doom requires at least 4MB of RAM. Assuming Moore's law also applies to the computing power inside a disposable vape, we should be seeing that post in around a decade :)

It all ends with it is ported to a paperclip machine [1].

[1] https://www.decisionproblem.com/paperclips/index2.html

Disposable Vape CPU!

I think there was a port that was much less demanding, and likely suitable for 386, but needs to be backported to x86

and risk having them interpret it as a declaration of war?