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Posted by HiPHInch 1 day ago

You are how you act(boz.com)
319 points | 184 comments
lukeasrodgers 1 day ago|
I don't know much about Franklin, but this strikes me as a gross oversimplification of Rousseau, to the point where I wonder whether the author has actually read much Rousseau, rather than just other lightweight "thinky pieces" on Rousseau. For example The Social Contract is significantly concerned with how people can and will act in accordance with the general will.

Also the idea that these philosophies are "almost entirely incompatible" reveals the author's complete ignorance of one of the most important influences in Western philosophy, Aristotle, for whom concordance of action and "intention" (arguably not an ancient Greek concept, but close enough for an hn comment) must be united in ethically good action.

But if your goal is not actually to understand anything and merely to sound smart on a causal reading, and perhaps try to get people to "not think so damn much and just do stuff" I guess this piece achieves its goal.

shandor 1 day ago||
> concordance of action and "intention" .... must be united in ethically good action

Yeah, I had to disagree with how TFA brought "fake it till you make it" into this very discussion.

Yes, one can have "faking" that ultimately ends up creating the thing it promised....but I fear that for each such benign or constructive "fake" there are so many cases of Theranos et al that I could ever remove what you called intention and ethically good action from the calculation.

some_furry 1 day ago||
The most charitable thing I can offer here is:

Alice is a horrible sociopathic monster that fakes being good because of the social utility it provides.

Bob is authentically, genuinely a "good" person (however you define it).

If the two are indistinguishable from an outsider's perspective, and arrived at a similar level of social status and "success" (intentionally vaguely defined), the path they got there may not matter to you. At least, it might not at a glance? If you don't think about it too long? Or deal with them for too long?

...

Yeah, I think I did hurt my back with that reach.

alangou 1 day ago|||
You are changed by the intention behind your decisions. Someone who continually chooses to do things out of greed turns into a greedier person. Someone who continually chooses compassion becomes a more compassionate person.

Even if the external outcome is the same, the direction towards which the person evolves is vastly different. And when lifted out of a narrow thought experiment, in real life, who you are does determine all the great and small ways you behave, and the methods you are willing to employ.

That’s why in the Sermon on the Mount, Christ says “It was said to those of old, you shall not murder, and whoever murders will be liable to judgement. But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgement.”

You will find similar principles expressed in Buddhist teachings, or the Bhagavad Gita, or Confucian ethical philosophy. In this instance, anger on its own is merely a seed. But if left to grow, and it grows by you watering it, then eventually it expresses itself in a much more destructive way.

BurningFrog 1 day ago||
Maybe this is how it works, but how can we know this?

It could also be that doing good things for selfish reasons creates habits of doing good things, and after a while that is who you are and what you do.

hxtk 1 day ago|||
There’s some real research into relevant topics and evidence-based models of how and why people change.

Generally, a period of ambivalence precedes change (most of the time, though there are documented cases of “quantum change” where a person undergoes a difficult change in a single moment without the usual intermediate stages and never relapses).

Ambivalence exists when a person knows in their mind reasons both for and against a change, and gives both more or less an equal mind share.

When that person begins to give an outsized share of their attention to engaging with thoughts aligned with the change, it predicts growing commitment and ultimately follow-through on the change.

The best resource I know of on this topic is “Motivational Interviewing” in its 3rd or 4th edition. It has a very extensive bibliography and the model of change it presents has proven itself an effective predictor of change in clinical practice.

Based on my understanding of that research, I’m inclined to agree with GP.

some_furry 1 day ago||
That's very insightful. Could you share some references for further reading? I'd like to explore this topic a bit on my own.
hxtk 1 day ago||
The main resource that I recommend is the one towards the bottom of the comment: “Motivational Interviewing” by W.R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick. I’ve read the third and fourth editions. The third edition is more concrete but also more complex, and more focused on the field of clinical psychology, while the fourth edition is a shorter book where it’s been generalized more to be more applicable to all kinds of helping relationships, but contains fewer specific examples of clinical practice.

In the second edition they had not yet broken up the concept of “resistance” into “sustain talk” and “discord,” which I found to be a helpful distinction.

About 10% of the book is its bibliography, so if you want more information about a specific claim you can usually find the primary source by following the reference.

Miller and Rollnick are the ones who developed the technique of motivational interviewing, so they have a strong connection to much of the research cited.

fouc 7 hours ago||||
Another way to think of it is:

If you tend to engage in suspicious behavior, you'll probably start regarding others with suspicion. Essentially, your actions will engender your world view.

alangou 1 day ago||||
There are multiple ways, all of which are useful for you to decide whether it's true or not.

First, you can trust in the wisdom of those who came before you, i.e. scripture. Second, you could trust in tradition, which may say such things. Third, you can use reason yourself. Fourth, you could rely on personal experience.

shandor 1 day ago|||
This is a good take, and I agree that habits can do that to people.

On the other hand, the intention behind the habit/action easily twists it in actuality to something else.

I think the “fake it till you make it” I brought up upthread a great example of this. Yeah, it might end up with the fake becoming something valuable, or you building character, or whatever.

Or, the habit that is getting built isn’t positive hustle and tenacity, but just a habit of outright lying, constantly reinforcing itself.

Sometimes it’s impossible to see from the outside what is which until it breaks down.

theptip 1 day ago||||
This exact problem comes up in AI alignment. It’s not enough to just look at the legible outputs.

If you are going to trust someone with important responsibilities, you want them to “show their working” and convince you that that are not faking it.

The difference of course is what Alice and Bob do when the mask is off, when no one is looking.

mannykannot 1 day ago||||
It's a fair question, but would you trust them equally in an unanticipated crisis, where doing the right thing might be costly in hard-to-predict ways?
justbees 1 day ago||
If the two are indistinguishable from an outsider's perspective how would you know which one to trust?
vacuity 1 day ago|||
Yes, then there is no way to elevate Bob above Alice, but in practice I think the assumption of external indistinguishability is too strong, and even the suspicion that Alice is sketchy (i.e. without hard proof) is meaningful.
mannykannot 1 day ago||||
You can phrase the same question thus: which set of traits is more likely to lead a person to stay true to prior form in a crisis?
some_furry 1 day ago||
The trouble is, you can think you're dealing with a Bob, but you're actually dealing with an Alice, even after enduring multiple crises that didn't trigger their specific type of badness.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jun/03/how-i-...

But as fun as this line of thinking is, my initial charitable post was only asking for a kind of "superficial" indistinguishability. As long as you don't think about it too hard, y'know?

shandor 1 day ago||
Which in the end is precisely the reason why we want to understand the intentions behind the actions, right?
some_furry 1 day ago||
Right.

My stance on this is: Try to find a way to do good that doesn't make you miserable. Lying is to yourself is a form of oppression, and lying to others is a tactic for enduring oppression. (Ask a queer person about their time in the closet if you don't understand what I mean here.) Oppression makes you miserable, and misery tends to result in vapid thinkpieces that don't scratch below the surface of the referenced source material.

But also: Be honest with yourself about what you want and why you want it. Whether for good or for ill. That way, at least you can have a modicum of peace. I wrote more about this train of thought recently, if anyone's curious: https://soatok.blog/2025/10/15/the-dreamseekers-vision-of-to...

some_furry 1 day ago|||
This sounds like a job for cryptography!

(No, it doesn't, actually.)

DenisM 1 day ago||||
This presupposes a constantly stable and omnipresent and benevolent society. Which it is not. Society always has reprehensible things in it, sometimes systematically sometimes sporadically. Society is not omnipresent or omniscient. And things go up and down over time. And one is never exposed to the whole society.
amarant 1 day ago||||
The counter point to this is the well-meaning idiot who causes destruction by doing things they, quite naively, believe will have positive outcomes.

When the outcome predictably is terrible, do we let them off the hook for meaning well?

some_furry 1 day ago||
I don't know. How are the Kardashians doing?
more_corn 8 hours ago||||
But that’s not how it plays out. What we see time and again is people who profess beliefs in positive philosophies and actions that don’t match. Look at any religion you like. Now look at how members of that religion actually behave. They’re people who profess a positive philosophy without the actions to match.

I’ll take someone who consistently does good but without a coherent positive philosophy over someone who talks a good game and behaves badly all day every day.

ratelimitsteve 1 day ago||||
the only reason Alice's intentions matter is their ability to predict her future behavior. if we assume for the sake of argument her behavior will always be identical to bob's then not only does it not matter what her internal motivations are it's arguable that her internal motivations don't actually differ from bob's. Thinking is, after all, an action, and all of their actions are identical. Therefore it seems like your example assumes Alice's behavior both is and isn't identical to Bob's.
lithocarpus 1 day ago|||
If their intentions are really different their thinking is probably different.
ratelimitsteve 1 day ago||
then it follows that if their thinking is the same then their intentions are the same. given that thinking is an action, and the description says their actions are the same, then their thinking must be the same and therefore their intentions the same. it's meaningless to think of someone who only does what's right but only does it for wrong reasons as someone can only arrive at right actions through right thought, to allude to buddhism. if alice's motivations are truly different then her actions must diverge from bob's at some point (or we just assume that alice's actions and motivations have no relationship which, again, renders the question meaningless).
some_furry 1 day ago|||
> Thinking is, after all, an action, and all of their actions are identical. Therefore it seems like your example assumes Alice's behavior both is and isn't identical to Bob's.

By your logic, I was heterosexual for my entire young adult life when I actively worked to deceive people from realizing my actual orientation :P

People employ dishonesty for lots of reasons, and in myriad ways. Sure, in this thought experiment, perfect indistinguishability means the difference is inconsequential. But you can use crises as an oracle to observe different behaviors, and thus undermine its indistinguishability.

To keep the cryptography going, this is like an active vs passive attack. Sure, it's IND-KPA, but is it IND-CPA or IND-CCA? Perhaps not!

ratelimitsteve 1 day ago||
>actions are identical

>actively worked to deceive

that's the contradiction i'm talking about. deception requires effort and planning, it's not just casually doing something. I think that as I explore this I might fundamentally be arguing that saying the same words when you believe them true vs when you believe them false are measurably different, and that the only way for someone to say something falsely in exactly the same way they do truthfully is for them to believe that they're true. You said yourself, you actively tried to deceive people.

As far as using crises to undermine indistinguishability, that was another part of my point: if actions are indistinguishable between two actors we only care about the actors' motivation as an attempt to guess how likely they are to remain indistinguishable. If a crisis causes the two actors to distinguish themselves then, once again, we've undermined the original premise of the experiment.

mihaic 1 day ago|||
Well said, this sort of oversimplified dichotomy is used by people to get out of responsability. "We have to choose between X and Y, so I just choose X because it's better".

No wonder the author is a Facebook exec that want to be ignorant of ultimate intent, instead of reconciling them.

speak_plainly 1 day ago|||
It is an over simplification but Rousseau does paint this picture of humanity's natural goodness corrupted by society, or what the author calls circumstance. This idea is a cornerstone of the Discourse on Inequality and Émile.

Discourse on the Origin and Foundations of Inequality among Men (1755) - “Nothing is more gentle than man in his primitive state… he is restrained by natural pity from doing harm to others.”

Émile, or On Education (1762) - “Everything is good as it leaves the hands of the Author of things; everything degenerates in the hands of man.”

Confessions (1782–89) - “I have displayed myself as I was, vile and despicable when I was so, good, generous, sublime when I was so; I have unveiled my interior being.”

For Rousseau, humans possess innate moral sentiment, society corrupts through things like comparison, and the good life is maintained by being true to one's natural self.

I also think the focus of this little essay is about contrasting two modern identities, the expressive self and the performative and productive self, and isn't steeped in moral psychology. Bringing Aristotle into this is wholly anachronistic and misses the point.

mannykannot 1 day ago|||
Ben Franklin? He took a principled stand against kings that threatened to be extremely costly for himself.

The irony here (given who the author works for) is not lost on me.

NaomiLehman 1 day ago|||
20 years at Meta... That must be tough.
pavel_lishin 1 day ago||
Working at Facebook in 2005 was definitely defensible. I suppose every frog gets boiled, eventually.
more_corn 7 hours ago||
No it wasn’t. I remember because I faced that choice (in 2007 but close enough). It was never a product that seemed to create more good than harm.

Keep in mind that continuing to work somewhere is also a choice.

alphazard 1 day ago|||
I didn't know this about Ben Franklin until reading it here, but his theory strikes me as the only one (out of the thinkers/theories you referenced) that can be operationalized in a justice system, or by individuals to judge others.

Until "intention" can be measured with a brain scan, it's a good bet that actions come from successfully actualizing intentions more often than not. It is ultimately about actions though, and the assertion with any intention based theory is that intentions better predict future actions than past actions do. If there was a mysterious 3rd thing that predicted future actions better than intentions or previous actions, then we would be interested in that instead of intentions.

natmaka 17 hours ago|||
Character is destiny. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose, what you think and what you do is who you become. -- Heraclitus
some_furry 1 day ago|||
I only have a cursory understanding of Franklin (as in, I vaguely paid enough attention in American History class in public high school to get a passing grade), and this still struck me as odd, too.
getnormality 1 day ago||
I have no position on the OP, but this comment has more shame than content. The couple fig leaves of quibbling over dubiously relevant points doesn't really clarify whether the OP's point is incorrect. I have no reason to take your opinion as more authoritative than the OP's when you don't even really engage with what the OP says.

*edited for nuance

lukeasrodgers 1 day ago|||
Here are the article's main points, as I see them:

1. The "modern American self" is best defined by (the tension between) Franklin and Rousseau. 2. Rousseau believes X and Franklin believes Y. 3. "Modern America" (society? politics? government?) flip flops between these two, though they are "almost entirely incompatible". 4. The author claims one of them scales, and says he likes it.

I engage directly with claims 2 and 3.

I think 1 is another completely absurd simplification. I do not address it, or claim 4. I don't see how that constitutes lack of engagement or quibbling. Perhaps I could have written an essay refuting OP with many citations, but I don't think that level of work is required to constitute legitimate engagement.

I guess you're probably right that my comment is more shame than content, maybe 60/40 shame to content, I should have dialed that down a bit. Fwiw I think it's fine to be simple-minded and ignorant, I am both of those things about many topics, but then your writing and argumentation should reflect your lack of knowledge and certainty. OP's article is, otoh, full of hot air.

getnormality 1 day ago||
Okay, so, leaving the shame thing behind us, the two gaps that I see:

1. If someone thinks the human self is essentially good and society makes it bad, they could still be concerned with how people can behave well in society. So the fact that Rousseau wrote about that in The Social Contract doesn't seem to contradict OP.

2. If it's possible to unite intent and action in a model of a good person, there could still be philosophies that are incompatible by virtue of how they overemphasize one or the other. So again, I don't see how this contradicts the OP.

I agree that the OP is probably full of hot air, but it's a common gloss on Rousseau I think. And definitely supported by the Discourse on Inequality, which says that people have good animal instincts, but their natural expression of these is inhibited by social constructs like language-based reasoning and property.

augusto-moura 1 day ago|||
I don't agree that the comment is empty, it did remind me of some philosophy classes, and it did entice my curiosity enough to search about Rousseau again. Your comment though, in poethic irony, doesn't bring anything to the table besides complaining about the top comment.
gchamonlive 1 day ago||
We all talk a lot about the mind over the body and emotions, so you can act stoicly regardless of your internal experience and how your body feels, and it's all fine, but it's important to make a point that your mood is more dependent on your body health than you think at first. How depressed you are can for instance be linked to the last time you went to the loo and how great your turds look (https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10....)

So take care of your mind, but also take care of your body. Don't be treating your body like crap and expect you can only will yourself into acting better.

cgriswald 1 day ago||
Willpower can be used to suppress emotion and act in a particular way. This can be useful but isn’t an effective long term strategy. Willpower is finite and sometimes fickle, in part because of the physical reasons you describe.

For most stimuli, our strongest emotional reactions are to our thoughts about the stimulus, rather than the stimulus itself.

A better application of willpower is to reject and replace the thoughts that lead to those emotions. Over time those thoughts are replaced entirely and the emotional reaction is changed.

anechouapechou 1 day ago|||
Stoicism: dichotomy of control; Buddhism: tale of two arrows; Socrates: "The unexamined life is not worth living"; I'm sure there's more...

Humanity has produced a great deal of knowledge on how to live well. Modern society is just too distracted to learn about it.

vacuity 1 day ago|||
A change in mindset must happen, but the proper mindset in which to change one's mindset is elusive. Even if my mindset today is flawed, what specifically should stay and what should go to make myself a better person? It feels like leaping from a safe harbor into the unknown. Can you convince a person to kill themselves and let a near-copy-but-not-quite live their life instead?

That being said, I think some positive change can be produced with diligence and care, even if the methods and details are hazy even to the person enacting them.

analog31 1 day ago|||
>>> and how great your turds look

I do not want to know how they turned this into a double blind study.

gchamonlive 1 day ago||
I'm married to a medical doctor and talking to her is incredible, they tread the body like it's nothing at all, from excretion to horrible wounds, it's just another day at the office.

She's sometimes telling me how it was bad at work because someone disagreed with the treatment of some 22 year old that got shot in the stomach and I'm like dying inside.

stronglikedan 1 day ago|||
> How depressed you are can for instance be linked to the last time you went to the loo and how great your turds look

That really hit home. Thanks for the link.

hectdev 1 day ago|||
To loop it together, I would say that taking care of the body is the mind over the body. Making conscious decisions to put yourself in the right place. Mind over body, body is inherently over body, mind takes care of body, body takes care of mind.
gchamonlive 13 hours ago||
On the one hand, the body has needs and it communicates over sensations and instinct to the mind. On the other hand, without the mind the body would just be a vegetable.

One and the other, together in harmony. Nothing is above anything. Separation is learned, it's a useful concept, but it's not necessarily natural.

snikeris 1 day ago|||
"It is hard for an empty sack to stand upright."

- Benjamin Franklin

sxndmxn 1 day ago||
Gut mind connection
KaiserPro 1 day ago||
I do love when Boz espouses opinions.

He has got better them over the years, this one is much less teenager trying to sound clever. Which is great, I love to see people grow.

The problem with this is that in my professional dealings with him, he has two modes: empathetic & arrogant dick. At his worse he was fighting in the comments section of workplace, telling employees that they are wrong. At his best he is warm and caring, even funny.

The problem for meta employees, is that most of the time you only really see arrogant dick boz.

triceratops 1 day ago||
> this one is much less teenager trying to sound clever

I read the blog post without knowing who this person is. I genuinely believed the author was a young person, maybe someone in their early 20s, just figuring some stuff out. "Do good things" isn't exactly a deep philosophical or moral insight. I've read the same thing on Cracked for chrissakes.

herval 1 day ago|||
My best memory of boz is him arguing with an intern on workspace and calling them "privileged", during COVID, when the kid asked whether the company would provide some sort of cash bonus since the free meals weren't available.

"Teenager trying to sound clever" captures every other interaction perfectly.

chipsrafferty 22 hours ago||
That sounds pretty fair to me. Having a Meta salary means you can afford to buy food. Having free food on top of a $300,000 income is pretty privileged and complaining about it being taken away even more so.
KaiserPro 2 hours ago|||
> complaining about it being taken away even more so.

I mean thats fair game, if people take away free stuff I like, I'd get pissed off as well. Asking politely about changes is also fair game.

Moaning about it is not though.

Complaining about the quality of perfectly good food, thats a dick move.

I'm always fascinated at the thought process and frankly upbringing of someone who would publicly complain about food in such a whiny and rambling way. The lack of awareness to skip through the top posts, and note that the batshit ones are always the ones that get snarky comments.

for example[paraphrasing to protect the dipshit]: "The <meat dish, carved from the joint, on demand> was chewy. I find that all the red meat here is chewy. Is this due to the quality of the meat, or the skill of the cooking"

a bunch of people agree

Then someone pipes up and asks: "would you like the chefs to chew if for you first?"

herval 20 hours ago|||
Interns don’t make $300k, buddy. At the time, they made ~$6k/mo. And were forced to move to the Bay Area despite the lockdown. To get put down by a dude zooming from his mansion in Hawaii.
raffael_de 1 day ago|||
So this text is not "teenager trying to sound clever"? I just thought that this is the best summary of it.
swiftcoder 1 day ago|||
> this one is much less teenager trying to sound clever

On the other hand, it's very much freshman-who-misunderstood-philosophy-101-and-integrated-it-into-his-worldview-anyway...

photonthug 1 day ago||
In philosophy 101 the usual foil for Rousseau vs.. would be Hobbes, but that framing with a realist/pessimist would not be popular with the intended audience, where the goal is to lionize the nationalist, the inventors/owners, the 1%.

> Despite his own moral lapses, Franklin saw himself as uniquely qualified to instruct Americans in morality. He tried to influence American moral life through the construction of a printing network based on a chain of partnerships from the Carolinas to New England. He thereby invented the first newspaper chain. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Franklin#Newspaperman

To be clear Franklin's obviously a complicated historical figure, a pretty awesome guy overall, and I do like American pragmatism generally. But it matters a lot which part of the guy you'd like to hold up for admiration, and elevating a preachy hypocrite that was an early innovator in monopolies and methods of controlling the masses does seem pretty tactical and self-serving here.

kragen 1 day ago|||
Were they wrong?
KaiserPro 1 day ago||
Yes, demonstrably.

https://www.trustedreviews.com/news/meta-smartwatch-leaked-a...

That abomination should have been killed from the start.

the lack of attention to user experience in any of the RL based products

The utterly stupid "blockchain compatibility" policy, which was too late, to fucking stupid and poorly executed.

The inability to run any project in RL that delivered any kind of value

(horizon's many many many iterations is an affront to any kind of good governance)

kragen 1 day ago||
So it was pretty important and beneficial for someone to tell them so, and Boz ended up being the guy? That doesn't sound like his worst; keeping his mouth shut on other occasions was almost certainly worse.
Centigonal 1 day ago||
I think GP is saying that Boz was wrong (he was VP of VR), not the FB staffer he was arguing with. GP should clarify.
KaiserPro 1 day ago||
Sorry yes, Boz was wrong repeatedly. Specifically in this instance, he was arguing about HR policy, on an HR policy post.

Don't get me wrong, there were, and probably still are, a bunch of entitled pricks who are willing to post about the most stupid shit (I AM SHOCKED!!! that the meat was chewy, etc, etc, etc) but the CTO shouldn't be fighting in the comments section of someone else's back yard, when his own was on fire.

kragen 1 day ago||
Oh, yeah, that puts a different spin on it.
some_furry 1 day ago||
Hmm. I got the same impression from this article, despite having never heard of the guy before.
brna-2 1 day ago||
I know ultimately I am not good nor bad, I am not an absolute. I am an agentic blob of meat, and with every decision I can choose any of the paths at my disposal, rewriting my story as I go. There is something I live by, though. My whole life I have observed in others the ideals that I came to admire or to hate, and I try to adhere to the ones I admire as often as I can, as I am pretty sure I would hate myself otherwise.
akshatjiwan 1 day ago||
Rousseau was famous for saying that man is born free and is everywhere in chains. He advocated for self rule and formulation of laws by the people. Yet after 100s of years of democracy (thousands really) the corrupting influence of social norms has not really been remedied.

Inequalities still exist,corruption still happens and social institutions that were once liberating become oppressive over time.

His ideal of self governance has not been realised as most nation states have adopted a representative democracy. People don't really make the rules. They just handover the power to someone else who makes them on their behalf.

It's certainly right that Franklin believed in practicing virtue. He famously kept a log of his good and bad actions.

Yet there is another great philosopher that has had tremendous impact on American society whom the author has not mentioned. Emerson believed in transcending societal definition of virtue and vice and follow one's own inclinations. His ideas of self reliance resonated with American people and brought about a change in their thinking when they started to believe in themselves rather than looking to Europe for intellectual guidance.

I find it difficult to accept either Franklin's or Rousseau's view as they were more politically motivated—Rousseau wanted his social contract,Franklin worshiped Socrates but when it came to governence he kicked him aside to chose democracy,an idea that was popular at the time due to thinkers like Locke.

Emerson gave people true agency over their lives and inspired them to think critically and not sheepishly believe a thing to be good or bad. He was more revolutionary than Franklin (Self reliance was released around the time of civil war) and gave people courage to question institutional authority and he eventually became more impactful than Rousseau's collectivism.

hippich 1 day ago||
> You can’t always change how you feel, but you can always decide what to do next.

Unfortunately, in my experience, how I feel does affect what I decide to do (or not do) next. But I certainly like to think I have agency, so there is that..

yetihehe 1 day ago||
> how I feel does affect what I decide to do (or not do) next.

Not being affected by your feeling is a skill, that you can train. First you need to start noticing when you are in a state that affects your decisions poorly. This requires some free time thinking and reflecting on how you behaved in such situation after the dust settles. Then you can start trying to calm yourself in such situations. You need to override your impulses and that needs to be trained, you may not succeed first several times, but please keep trying.

dns_snek 1 day ago|||
With an extremely important caveat. Learning how to control impulses in the heat of the moment is important, but they need to be unpacked and properly processed as soon as possible.

If you do this poorly you can train yourself to be a stone cold robot who doesn't appear to react to anything emotionally. You might think you've succeeded but all you've done is lose touch with your own emotions.

shandor 1 day ago||
I think it is also possible to just acknowledge the emotions in the heat of the moment, "process" them quickly as unproductive for the situation, and let them go their way.

Like the grandparent comment, I agree that this naturally requires training and effort. I also find that to be a more constructive way than to "suppress" your impulses/emotions for an unpacking later. Not saying you were necessarily directly advocating for that, just something that your comment made me think.

yetihehe 1 day ago||
I think you and the person you are responding to are both correct. He added some important details and you added smaller but important details. Reality has a lot of nuances and different situations call for slightly different rules.
smith7018 1 day ago|||
Meditation is also extremely useful for this. In breath-based meditation, you focus your mind on your breathing and try to eliminate thoughts. Obviously your mind gets bored and you begin to think of other things. Once you recognize that you're losing focus, you simply return to your breath. Over and over. Over time, you gain the ability to view your thoughts and emotions as easily disposable. It takes time but you can actually recognize that you're being affected by emotion, able to let go of thoughts, and be more present in the moment.

It's not hard; you just have to commit to it :)

thahajemni 1 day ago|||
As someone with autism, I often feel the urge to do certain things, but I know they aren't fitting, morally right, or socially acceptable, so I refrain. I deeply resonated with the author's discussion of Benjamin Franklin, because this is exactly how I live. Virtue is a habit, not an essence: I don't feel like being social, I don't feel like being moral, I don't feel like fitting in—but I still do it. Because in the end, the reward is a life where I have a steady job, meaningful friendships, and a fulfilling life.
tonmoy 1 day ago||
As someone neurotypical I take it for granted that my feelings most often align with what’s best to fit in with society. A few times it doesn’t and I end up giving in to my feelings and do the morally wrong thing
mapontosevenths 1 day ago|||
> I certainly like to think I have agency

Thats the rub though, it is only the thing we like to believe, not the objective truth.

The libet experiment, and others like it, show us that free will is only a useful fiction, but we must live as though it is not. Which goes a long way towards explaining the seeming contradiction described here.

We must believe the things that it is useful to believe, rather than the things which are true.

jebarker 1 day ago||
> but we must live as though it is not

This implies you can choose how to live though

mapontosevenths 1 day ago||
As I said, we must pretend that we choose. Our language, our society, and even our minds are built for it.

Even the LLM's we trained on our thoughts now speak as if they have agency, when they do not. Try asking one why it behaves/speaks as though it has agency if it isn't self aware. They fall apart in interesting ways if pushed far enough.

In the same way, the heart of human consciousness is a kernel of self deception thay can lead to madness if you think too much about it.

jebarker 1 day ago||
My point is that the phrase “must pretend that we choose” is meaningless if we have no ability to choose, I.e. you have no choice whether to pretend you can choose or not, you either do or you don’t and it doesn’t matter how much you “must” do it.

Maybe what you mean is that we do pretend we can choose because that’s how we’ve evolved?

mapontosevenths 1 day ago||
> you either do or you don’t and it doesn’t matter how much you “must” do it.

It does matter though. We're (massively complex) finite state machines of a sort. Given 'x' input, 'y' output is predictable (at least within reasonable statistical boundaries). The feeling that we're choosing is based on an illusion, but inputs can still influence outputs.

In this situation I get to provide your state machine with specific inputs and I can attempt to manipulate the output by changing my inputs. For example, by saying we "must" rather than saying we "should" my goal was make the likelihood of the outcome I wanted higher.

> Maybe what you mean is that we do pretend we can choose because that’s how we’ve evolved?

That's close to what I mean.

Consider the trained dog. If we tell him to "speak" he will bark. The bark is devoid of semantic content and isn't REALLY speech, but that word is the one I must use to get that output. Similarly, when you're told to choose to do something it can influence the actions you take. That doesn't mean that "you" made a "choice", it just means that the concept of choice is an input that can cause the state machine to oscillate longer and maybe work a bit harder before spitting out that deterministic output I mentioned earlier. The choice is an illusion, but it's an advantageous illusion.

When I said that we “must pretend that we choose”, what I really mean is that despite free will being an illusion it is still maladaptive to stop striving for beneficial outcomes or to stop holding yourself responsible for your actions.

patrickmay 1 day ago|||
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom". -- Viktor Frankl (maybe)
xenocratus 1 day ago||
Robert Sapolsky [1] has entered the chat...

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Determined:_A_Science_of_Life_...

Note: not necessarily endorsing this, but it seemed very relevant :)

fusslo 1 day ago|||
Also a semester of lectures on Evolutionary Psychology

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNnIGh9g6fA&list=PLMwddpZ_3n...

james-bcn 1 day ago|||
I love Sapolsky, but not this book. He was out of his depth on this topic.
freedomben 1 day ago||
Also a big Sapolsky fan, but I did really like this book. That said though, I have only a read-a-lot-of-books-from-people-like-sapolsky level of knowledge on the subject, so take my opinion with a large grain of salt.

If you can remember, I'd love to know what some of the issues were with the book!

Xemplolo 1 day ago||
You learn to act by doing it.

The more you do it, the more automatic it is.

For example: I took ritalin on and off but with long enough phases, that I do have behavour patterns were i act like i was on ritalin (cleaning stuff etc.)

I also thought about people who drunk a lot more alcohol when they were younger: they learned how to be a certain way because they were able to act like this by drinking alcohol.

I took MDMA a lot later in life and when i was, i definitly had like a 'MDMA dance echo' in my brain after.

bloomingeek 1 day ago||
Bottom line, life is tough. Too much noise, variables and chances to screw up. (And a hundred other "things" not written.) Perfectionism and social competition have been warping life since the beginning. Cruelty is usually the default option when the pressures on.

I can't speak for others, but for me, it's effort and seeking forgiveness that counts. Even then, life is still tough. Not breaking the accepted, compassionate laws and keeping my mouth shut when needed goes a long way.

pgspaintbrush 1 day ago||
A friend once told me that virtue is like going to the gym. You practice daily, start with smaller weights (virtuous acts), and review how well you did on a regular basis. You ask "am I getting better at this?" rather than "am I morally perfect?"

If you aren't on the level of the moral greats, you start small and try to build up, the same way you'd start by running a 5k before running an ultramarathon.

I hope others out there find this viewpoint as helpful as I have.

pciexpgpu 1 day ago|
Dude you are building ads and doomscrolling content that is driving this country’s youth into a downward spiral.

Stop with this “building” BS.

You want a platform you can control, away from Google and Apple - you are not satisfied with slurping up people’s data and turning them into products (pretend glasses and VR crap are just that).

The galls of these SF bozos is just appalling.

It’s sad that we have shipped all our important technology to China where they really are building and instead we have a bunch of clowns pretend ‘building’ crap and are pure marketing geniuses. Nothing else.

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