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Posted by memalign 4 days ago

Firewood Splitting Simulator(screen.toys)
373 points | 123 comments
CamouflagedKiwi 1 hour ago|
This is kinda fun, but doesn't match most of my experience splitting firewood.

The wood barely moves after it's split. If you split it perfectly, the two halves will almost certainly both fall to each side (they're pushed outwards by the axe).

You can't just randomly split it across the grain into slices like you're slicing bread.

I guess mostly: it's not tiring, which sort of sucks when you're doing it for real, but it is satisfying. This doesn't scratch that itch for me, but I guess it's fun in a way, similar to that cleaning simulator thing.

scottcorgan 1 hour ago||
this is the most hacker news comment possible
jkskkm 2 minutes ago|||
I see the grouchy pedantic twat simulator has arrived.
JodieBenitez 16 minutes ago|||
> If you split it perfectly, the two halves will almost certainly both fall to each side

Just put it in a old small tire :)

apercu 31 minutes ago||
I only like splitting perfectly seasoned wood ( I do about a face cord every summer/fall). Otherwise it’s just too much work. Got any tips in to tooling? I use a maul.
bicx 3 hours ago||
People here seem a little confused. This is a simulator in the same way Goat Simulator is a simulator. It’s from a collection called “screen toys” and it’s meant to be mindless fun.
binoct 3 hours ago||
Here here. This was a joy to wake up to and wish I hadn’t stumbled into the comments.
pranavm27 1 hour ago||
And this is HN, its acting as its meant to xD
troyvit 2 hours ago||
There was this old Piers Anthony short story about a little kid who likes playing with his dad's wood-splitting kit. He's a little kid so he doesn't handle an axe, but he does use adzes, hatchets, I dunno stuff I don't remember now[1]. Anyway he gets kidnapped by aliens and gets to join a great intergalactic wood-splitting competition. I won't ruin it but maybe if you get really good at this simulation you could be next.

[1] https://www.isfdb.org/cgi-bin/title.cgi?46184

conception 2 hours ago|
Haha this is also the plot of The Last Starfighter but with video games. I wonder if the screenwriter was familiar with it.
jcims 1 hour ago||
Damn I loved that movie!
wartywhoa23 2 hours ago||
This is HN I'd like to see more of.

Mocking too nerdy gripes on "simulator" accuracy, sharing some real world experience with physical things beyond the screen frames, and on in the same vein.

A breath of fresh air, really, in the prevailing AI smog.

tylerrobinson 1 hour ago||
FWIW, the creator’s Insta post for this thing says #vibecoding

@shapiro500

No shade if so, I think it’s an awesome little toy.

underdeserver 1 hour ago||
I don't think I could have vibe coded that.

At the very least, he photographed and built models of logs and his own yard.

jenniferhooley 1 hour ago||
I do a lot of game stuff (professionally and just for fun) and play around with maxing out vibeing little feature samples.

This would be fairly straightforward vibecode over a day or two.

Definitely not to throw shade at the guy. But yea, there is nothing here that wouldn't be easily vibeable.

lukan 2 hours ago||
"in the prevailing AI smog"

How do you know AI was not used in the making of this?

(personally I don't care, the result seems nice to me)

wartywhoa23 2 hours ago||
This I don't know, but at least the topic is not related!
jeron 2 hours ago||
only a small subset of the HN front page is AI related lol
encom 2 hours ago||
What bizarro world HN are you reading? I'd like the link, please.
wiml 6 minutes ago||
Looking at the front page right now, only about 8 out of 30 are about AI.
MatthiasWandel 4 hours ago||
Looks like its coded by someone who has never split firewood. The challenge is not deciding where to split, its executing the split. Like hitting the same gap if it doesn't split, deciding orientation to aoid knots, figuring out how to put it on end if it wasn't cut straight.

And some of the cuts it allowed me would hit the ax handle on another part, the shock from that damages the ax handle and is painful on the hands.

And then there's the lifting the stuck block by the axe and hitting it axe side down to finish the split instead of pulling the stuck axe out.

So the simulation handles none of the challenges of splitting wood.

bsiverly 3 hours ago||
I swear this forum needs to embrace their inner child more some days. My four year old loved this.

Well executed fun.

goosejuice 46 minutes ago|||
Both can be true. It's cool and fun but simulation is a well defined term.
Jgrubb 3 hours ago|||
Yes, but obviously this toy faces a challenge when folks who take this stuff seriously walk by. I immediately want a bungee to put around it so the wood doesn't go everywhere. I also want to split it finer than in quarters. Had to nope out.
furyofantares 2 hours ago|||
I think it might be more that folks who take this stuff seriously face a challenge when someone makes a toy about it.

I believe the toy is indifferent to your inability to enjoy it.

bsiverly 2 hours ago|||
Seems like you know what you want to go build. Can’t wait to see your version on HN soon :)
PufPufPuf 3 hours ago|||
The "beer drinking simulator" we all had on our phones in 2010 wasn't a very accurate representation of drinking beer either
mikestew 3 hours ago|||
Man, don’t ever play Goat Simulator, then. You’ll be all day typing a wall of text about that.
nik282000 3 hours ago|||
I am shocked that tapping a touchscreen is nothing like splitting wood with an axe.
JKCalhoun 3 hours ago|||
"So the simulation handles none of the challenges of splitting wood."

Ha ha, that's why we like it.

Daub 2 hours ago|||
Experienced wood splitter here. All your points are valid. I had to ruin one perfectly good axe handle before I learned how to swing. However, the sim is still a lot of fun.
embedding-shape 2 hours ago||
> I had to ruin one perfectly good axe handle before I learned how to swing.

Is it really that difficult? Maybe my memory is vague, but chopping wood in autumn/fall for the winter just took a bunch of time, and wasn't very fun, but wasn't that bad, especially compared to other things like harvesting veggies stuff where you have to be on the ground. I'm not sure how you'd manage to ruin a axe handle before understanding how to do it well-enough, takes a couple of swings at max.

JackFr 46 minutes ago|||
I spent a summer chopping a whole bunch of wood with a steel handled 10 lb maul. Many was the evening where my hand was numb until the morning, but by the end of the summer my shoulders were ripped.

You quickly learn the differences between locust, pine, maple, oak or, god forbid, cherry.

Enginerrrd 14 minutes ago||
Splitting Eucalyptus and big madrone by hand will test a man.
roarcher 1 hour ago||||
Same. I've only done it a couple times but it takes minutes to learn and you just get into a rhythm and keep going. It's like peeling potatoes.

I wonder if there's a name for the psychological phenomenon of people doing some trivial blue-collar-ish task and then dramatizing it to make themselves sound like a grizzled old hand.

notduncansmith 1 hour ago||
Have heard this called blue-washing (eg Mike Rowe) when done publicly
MatthiasWandel 46 minutes ago||||
I once took a sledgehammer to work so everyone could take a turn taking a whack at some old prototypes outside. I came to the sad realization that even hitting a particular spot with a sledgehammer is not an inate skill. If you've never done it, you miss!
mikestew 1 hour ago||||
Is it really that difficult?

It’s not, 12 year olds can do it. Ruining an axe handle is not a requirement. I’m not saying humans are born knowing how to swing an axe, but c’mon.

MatthiasWandel 45 minutes ago||
A 12 year old can indeed acquire that skill, but that doesn't mean any adult can do it.
roarcher 38 minutes ago||
Some adults indeed can't do it, but that doesn't mean it's difficult.

And it is certainly not "wear out a whole axe handle just to learn to swing" difficult.

aqrit 1 hour ago|||
>Is it really that difficult?

Fiberglass handles are now standard on splitting mauls (for this reason). Rotten hearts, or driving wedges. It is easy to miss a swing by an inch or two when fatigued.

Edit: I also broke my first axe handle. The sibling comments here are wild.

raincole 3 hours ago|||
FYI Tree Simulator is coded by someone who has never been a tree too.
bot403 3 hours ago||
Oh you guys are all gonna hate Sim Ant.
sgarrity 3 hours ago|||
I might print out this quote and put it on my wall! :-)

"Looks like its coded by someone who has never split firewood. "

andix 3 hours ago|||
It's obviously not an accurate simulation. I'm sure the creator knows it isn't. Probably the best they could come up with in limited time.
idiotsecant 3 hours ago|||
I don't know if you know this or not, but this is a game.
alamortsubite 1 hour ago||
It's perfect because the kind of people who will enjoy it shouldn't be allowed near an axe, anyway.

As someone with a wood stove, for my first few chops I rotated the log to orient the checking. Then it dawned on me that the simulation likely wasn't that sophisticated, and I came here to meet up with you guys.

sklargh 5 hours ago||
If this triggers your interest in IRL firewood splitting it’s a very meditative and satisfying yard job. Also great mild to moderate workout between the splitting and stacking, especially on a crisp Fall afternoon.
delichon 4 hours ago||
I have a lot of splitting to do right now, and you're welcome to it. I'll only charge a low nominal fee. But let me know before September, because that's when I usually go rent a hydraulic splitter from the local hardware store. Then I spend a very long day splitting so that I can return it the next day.

I've spent a lot of time splitting with a big maul, but for me it's harder that it looks. I've broken two mauls by striking to far. And even with "soft" wood, I have stacks of green rounds that I couldn't split at all, the maul just bounces off. But I'm glad that you enjoy the process, I'd probably enjoy watching you work.

bee_rider 3 hours ago|||
If the hydraulic splitter could be electric, so it would not be so loud, I could see that task being meditative. Preferably if the rounds could on a raised platform, so they could just be rolled onto the thing.

Next request, the wood could stack itself somehow.

adm4 3 hours ago|||
as camping is to "glamping," splitting wood is to "sprinkle wood?"
1dontnkow_ 4 hours ago|||
This reminded me when we I was a kid we had to split the wood for the whole winter and that was actually a huge job all day or few days and way harder than just a moderate workout.

I hated it then but actually now I miss the time I spend with my father and brother.

Loughla 2 hours ago||
I hated cutting wood, stacking wood, splitting wood, all of it. We ran a potbelly stove in the living room when I was a kid for heat. I hated the stove too.

The only thing I don't miss is rolling a piece of piss elm over to my city living "tough" cousins after two or three pieces of oak and watching the maul just bounce off. Always funny.

crimsonnoodle58 4 hours ago|||
Good workout and satisfying, I totally agree. I actually really enjoy it.

But the long term effects on your joints, even if you think you have perfect technique, its better to just get a wood splitter. We can do a whole winters wood in less than a day now, with minimal effort.

MatthiasWandel 43 minutes ago||
Gotta agree with you there, log splitters rule. We got a little 4 ton electric one for my mom, and on some pieces it would stall. I thought, what a wimpy thing, but then hitting those pieces it wouldn't split with an axe, I realized, those were really hard to split pieces. Just growing up in the 80s we didn't have one cause my dad didn't believe in them.
PyWoody 4 hours ago|||
If you're chopping wood in the Fall, I sure hope it's for next year's winter.
codemonkey-zeta 4 hours ago|||
Nope, splitting green wood is much more difficult than splitting dried logs, so I often cut a tree in the spring, stack the rounds, then split those rounds in the fall.

People overestimate how dry wood needs to be to burn correctly. Just have some ultra-dry kindling (seasoned for 2+ years) and you won't have any problems.

On the contrary, I know some folks who let all their wood dry too far, and it burned way too hot and ruined their stove (and almost burned their house down).

cluckindan 3 hours ago|||
It’s an equation. If you have dry firewood, you need less of it at once. Some folks don’t understand that.

More water in the wood means less efficient combustion, more smoke and harsher smoke, which may irritate your neighbors downwind, or everyone around on still days.

dylan604 2 hours ago||
Something every pit master learns along the way. People can tell you, you can read about it, but until you actually try using wood of different dryness, they are just words.
PyWoody 2 hours ago|||
Yikes. I hope you got your chimney swept annually.

Seasoned firewood will burn cleaner, longer, and more efficiently.

nickstinemates 4 hours ago|||
Taking a few minutes out of the day to to split some logs to hear your house for your family feels incredibly rewarding and satisfying.
Jgrubb 3 hours ago|||
[dead]
astura 4 hours ago||
Don't listen to this noise; it fucking sucks, it's kinda dangerous, and it's not at all meditative. It's the exact opposite of meditative. My parents made me do it because they certainly didn't want to, because it sucks. I'm so glad I don't have to split firewood ever again.

If you're looking for a meditative exercise try yoga.

klibertp 3 hours ago|||
Well, it's the kind of "meditative" you get when training martial arts forms. It gets good after a few years of preparation; before that, it's not as fun as spars and way less useful than general conditioning.

Coming from a kendo background, when I had to chop firewood for a few years while living in the countryside, I generally focused on accuracy. The swing is completely different than with a sword, and getting the chop to land at the exact spot (I drew lines with a marker) tens of times in a row was very satisfying, but required a lot of conscious effort to get there. It's not trivial to land a chop at the exact spot you want, and it's also quite hard to ensure the axe travels at its fastest exactly at the moment of impact.

It can be fun, but you need to be into things like that in the first place; plus, having to do it no matter the weather and all the other things you need to do can kill all the joy instantly.

bee_rider 4 hours ago||||
It’s also astonishing how much wood needs to be split, to heat even a moderately sized house. Depends on the climate though, I guess.
dredmorbius 3 hours ago||
And the fireplace / stove.

Most open-hearth fireplaces are tremendously inefficient, not only sending most of the heat up the chimney, but drawing in additional cold air in doing so.

A masonry stove with an external air draw should be far more efficient, and burn much more cleanly to boot. The pollution factor from woodstoves is another major consideration, and means wood-burning is limited in many areas.

dylan604 2 hours ago||
My dad and his father built the house my family grew up in. The fireplace had two vents on either side of the fire box that drew air from the floor and vented near the ceiling. The ceiling fans in the room would circulate the air in the room. It was the only place I've spent time that a fireplace actually was useful.
AaronAPU 3 hours ago|||
You sound like my father when someone mentions green beans
yardshop 4 hours ago||
The pieces look like they retain the shapes I cut them in when stacked. I started cutting them as pie slices, but then tried a few as parallel chops, and they get stacked in those shapes.

Also interesting is the shadows of leaves that stay consistent on the scene as the pile grows, but they don't appear on the splitting area itself.

Lots of engine noise too, I guess that's the ambience in this person's back yard! Probably true for lots of us.

comrade1234 4 hours ago||
Half the battle is having the right stance so that you don't accidentally embed the axe in your shin.
oh_my_goodness 3 hours ago|
I'm ok that they left that part out.
nZac 5 hours ago||
This simulates a person far more skilled than me.

I never had to adjust the chunk to get it to sit right, the maul hit exactly where I told it to, and it even stacked itself!

bluGill 4 hours ago|
Never had the maul get stuck in the wood. Never had the wood fly off the splitting stump.
oh_my_goodness 3 hours ago||
It does fly off sometimes in the game.
bluGill 2 hours ago||
I didn't see that but I only did a couple before deciding this reminds me too much of work.
anon1094 1 hour ago|
It's all very satisfying: the animations, the chopping, the graphics, and the sounds. I spent more time than I should have chopping splitting firewood.
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